When to Get Engaged: Ultimate Tips for Men

26.05.2020

Engagement deserves special attention nowadays. Most people are familiar with it from foreign films where the catholic church rules. In general, the rite has not changed. The groom also asks for the hand and the heart of his beloved girl. The only difference is that today, getting engaged is held voluntarily, not a mandatory wedding condition. Today, the couples who consciously want to get engaged are rather rare, and not everyone really understands the original essence of this tradition. Most often, the very fact of a beautiful rite attracts. So, what is an engagement today, and when do most people get engaged?

Origin and History of Engagement

It is believed that the tradition of giving engagement rings originated in medieval Europe. In the 15th century, the Austrian Duke Maximilian decided to woo the aristocrat Maria of Burgundy, who was considered the first European beauty. It was not just a politically profitable union but real love, so the young man was afraid of rejection. The parents of the young people did not object to the marriage, but it was still a long way to the cherished day. The duke was very afraid that the bride would fall in love with another, so he decided to send her a diamond ring. And dating after 30 for men even then was a risky affair. That is how the tradition of making a proposal by presenting an engagement ring was born. The engagement ring is the one that the groom gives during the proposal, even today, usually, it is worn until the wedding day, after which the girl removes it and keeps it as the apple of her eye. And later, the girl passes it on by inheritance to the children and grandchildren.

As in any beautiful and romantic story, the ring is a symbol of love and fidelity. But connoisseurs of tradition also claim that pragmatism has added to romance over time. Jewelry was perceived as a guarantee of the seriousness of the groom's intentions, an indicator of his material well-being, and the ability to provide for his future wife. That is why engagement rings are worn only by girls. And in Europe, there is still an unspoken rule according to which the value of the engagement ring must be equal to two salaries of the groom.

Marriage was always not a purely personal, family, private event. It was a social statement. The family was a cell of society, and religious unit, because the church, despite the widespread practice of denial of marriage and divorce, did not cease to recognize and protect the sanctity and indissolubility of marriage. However, it is worth noting that the facts of the breakup of the engagement were still present. At the same time, the one who refused to marry for any reason had to pay considerable severance pay, as compensation for damages, for the dishonor inflicted on the family. People a few hundreds of years ago did not wonder about questions to ask before getting engaged. The marriage was a purely business deal then.

Going back a hundred years, in those days, engagement was a mandatory rite that was part of every wedding cycle. The young people went to bow to their parents to ask for blessings for marriage. After that, the parents discussed the conditions of future marriage and began preparing for the wedding. The fathers of the young consolidated the future union with the help of a handshake's rite. After that, future marriage became predestined, and it was impossible to abandon it. Things are easier on single ladies dating sites today, right?

Reasons to Get Engaged

Today the attitude towards marriage in general and opinions about, “How long should you wait to get engaged?” differ. Many people give up the traditional patriarchal traditions of asking for a girl's hand, wedding, or engagement in a church. They continue living in a civil marriage without any lawful documents uniting them. But there are still many couples who are confident in their feelings for each other and believe that they will be together till the death do them apart. They ask, "Am I ready to get engaged?" being not always sure whether it is time.

You can finally move together

Many parents of a young couple are in favor of the engagement, as young people gradually begin to get used to responsibility and living together. In many cultures, only after the engagement, young people begin to live together. Most old-fashioned people (most often grandparents) are against moving together if you are not married. They believe that it ruins the romance and purity of marital rite. But this step has many advantages. Living together before marriage helps people understand each other more. If you get engaged, you can move together without the torments of the conscience or violating traditions.

An attempt to attach the partner to oneself

Not all reasons why and explanations of how to get engaged are so innocent. Some people find a selfish advantage in an engagement. They believe that if you marry officially and have an engagement ceremony in a church, this gives your relationship a new sacral meaning. Often, in this case, the meaning of the engagement is distorted by a selfish desire to bind a loved one. Or, for example, when one of the future life partners goes to the army or for studying, and another one is scared of the distance and such a long time, they insist on engagement. But if a person wants this, they will not calculate the average age to get engaged or seek reasons. They will propose or accept the proposal. If not, then the imaginary bonds of the engagement will not hold them back.

A semi-official procedure

Many couples still rely on traditions when planning their common future life and consider engagement a vital part of the wedding preparation. On the one hand, after the future husband and wife apply to the registry office, they are already bound by some ties. Most often, if the application is filed at the registry office, it means that people have thought out and made their decision. But, nevertheless, they are given at least a month to reconsider their decision. During this month, the application can be withdrawn if one of them suddenly realizes that they are not ready for such a decisive marriage. We do not consider the option of simply not coming to the wedding or running away from under the wreath, although, in fact, this is the same engagement break, only more cardinal.

A real rite with a sacral meaning

Other couples consider the day of the engagement to be the day when the guy and the girl declare their desire to marry their parents. They still do not know when to get engaged or plan a wedding, but if there is a proposal, they are considered future life partners. How all this will be arranged, largely depends on the desire of the lovers themselves. You can, following the traditions, ask for your bride's hands and can just hold hands and sparkle with happy eyes to finally please your parents with the long-awaited news. As a sign that the newlyweds are engaged, the groom puts an engagement ring on his beloved one's hand. Thus, young people tell everyone that although they are not yet husband and wife, they are no longer free.

The first step towards the wedding

In addition, on the day of the proposal, it is customary to introduce parents who are already beginning to discuss the details of the upcoming wedding. Most often, all this is done at home with the bride's parents, where future relatives gather at a set table. As an option, this event can take place in a cafe or restaurant. As a rule, an application should be submitted to the registry office soon after.

Declaring the union of souls

There the last point of view on the engagement is when the couple declares themselves engaged long before the wedding. In this case, the wedding, of course, is planned, but it will take place in two or three years, or even indefinitely. This means the people are really in love with each other, but the stage of their relationships is rather transitional. They do not want to plan a wedding any time soon but think that they are more than dating. If one of the partners makes a proposal, their relationship becomes closer, more meaningful, and everyone around will treat this couple differently. They are not regular partners but a future husband and wife.

How Soon Is Too Soon to Get Engaged?

Yes, of course, your girl is smart, beautiful, purposeful, and loves to spend time with you, but still, it is worth thinking a thousand times before one of the most important steps in your life. There are many questions to ask before you get engaged. You can unobtrusively ask your partner about their plans about children, career, finances, and joint future, and conclude their readiness for engagement. It is necessary to go through the stage of the idealization of the partner to understand that this is not just a dizzying passion but deep feelings. You must be sure that problems in the relationship will not make you regret your decision. You should know that you have experienced every mood of your lover and received clear evidence that this person is ready for marriage.

It's not about how long you've been dating or living together. There is no universal answer concerning how soon is too soon to get engaged. Some couples move together in just two months, and some live in different apartments after the wedding. And even if you are happy together, it does not guarantee that your attitude to marriage is exactly the same. Offering a hand and heart too early can scare your girlfriend away and lead to an awkward, "I need to think…" You need to be sure about your choice.

Nevertheless, it has been historically legally and factually required that marriages are performed in accordance with some rules. The most striking and shocking is the young age of the bride. Yes, in the past, people would "marry in the cradle." Fortunately, it was often a graceful exaggeration. But a few centuries ago people did not worry about how soon is too soon to get engaged. You could meet an eight-year-old bride and a groom of twelve years. It was at this age that the famous Italian writer and poet Dante Alighieri agreed to marry Gemma Donati.

Engagement Tips for Men

Perhaps it is simply impossible to propose to marry perfectly, so you should not even try to find the formula for success. Sometimes even moderately conceited extrovert girls want a very modest and quiet scenario of an engagement. And romantic natures prefer a completely ordinary proposal when having breakfast before work. Because we cannot provide a universal answer to the question, “How long to wait before getting engaged?” we want at least to give you the do’s and don’ts of this important event.

Give up clichés

Many women would not be at all against a pathetic dinner in an expensive restaurant by candlelight. But most of the modern girls still call all these movie-inspired scenarios too vulgar and banal. So, you should not rely on the tips from the web or the old classics you see in movies. Listen to your heart and watch the habits of your beloved. What would she personally prefer?

Do not put the ring in food or a glass

This is perhaps the most common and most stupid mistake to do. First, alcohol and food can ruin the ring. Second, a girl can swallow it. Third, she may not finish the meal. Or may finish it. And we do not even know which option is worse. Fourth, well, who wants to wear a ring that has just been bubbling in sparkling wine or soaked in a cupcake? It is sticky, slippery, and smells like food. Absolutely not.

Try to be spontaneous

Planned spontaneity is a real art. Even if you have been thinking about how long before getting engaged and how to make a proposal for a long time, try not to let the girl guess that it is all a pre-written script. Few people like to live on a schedule or plan, so most girls prefer romantic gestures to be a rush of the soul, rather than a clearly verified act. Try not to reveal yourself before the time comes to say the cherished words.

The best option is to do it during the holidays

There has been much debate about how large the offer of a hand and a heart should be. But most of the girls would still like this event to be remembered, and not to be crumpled and fussy. In order not to overdo it, but also not to screw everything up, propose a joint trip somewhere. Even if you ask her to marry you just while having lunch, it will still be remembered because of the different atmosphere, circumstances, and people around you.

Get on one knee

Few girls say that it is some kind of unnecessary archaism, which does not seem sincere. The majority, nevertheless, likes the ritual of making an engagement offer standing on one knee. So do not be lazy to take the appropriate position before pulling out the box with the ring. We hope you do your sit-ups in the gym and be able to get up on your knees without grunting.

Do not overdo it

Even some moderately vainglorious extroverts preferred that the offer of a hand and a heart remain something personal rather than public. Therefore, many girls would prefer you to give up excessively wide gestures in the spirit of making a proposal from the stage during a concert of a favorite artist or in the presence of all colleagues and friends.

Tried and true universal scenarios

If you lack creativity, there are some pretty unusual but cute options:

• buy an apartment, invite a girl there and make an offer — your serious intentions are immediately clear;
• replay your first date because this is extremely romantic;
• go to an insanely beautiful place (mountains, ocean, desert) and make an offer there;
• "accidentally" find yourself in a jewelry store, ask what ring she likes, buy and get on one knee (this option is especially good if your girl is hard to please with a gift);
• go on vacation, make an appointment with the pilot of the plane and make an offer on a speakerphone (if your girlfriend is very modest and shy, this option does not suit you);
• just walk together on the street, then suddenly fall to one knee, pull out a ring, and make an engagement offer.

Don't do it at someone else's wedding (and do not combine at all with another celebration)

The bride who has just become a wife will probably kill you for stealing the show from the most important day in her life. And the girl you would like to see as your bride can also be disappointed. You do not kill two birds with one stone. You ruin two celebrations with one stupid idea. And risk being killed by angry women.

It is better to receive a blessing from your parents

If your girl has a very close and trusting relationship with her parents, you can make an offer directly to them. But if you doubt whether she will want to share such a moment with her parents, it is better to inform mom and dad about your plans in advance and make sure that they agree. They may refuse not only because they don't like you, but, for example, because they think it's too early for their daughter to get married. If parents think so, there may be a grain of truth in their words, and it makes sense to wait. If everything goes well, you can get down to business and not get lost in guessing whether her parents' approval is important. It will definitely not be superfluous.

Be careful with the offer after sex

There is nothing wrong with the idea of offering a hand and heart immediately after wild sex (here, of course, the question of how to measure the degree of wildness arises). But the skeptics may think that the idea of getting married was caused by hormones and the pleasure of orgasm, not by real intentions and a desire to spend a lifetime together. The best way out of an uncomfortable situation here will be to immediately pull out the ring. After all, you could not plan gorgeous sex with a subsequent proposal.

In general, the debate over whether an engagement is needed today and which form the proposal should acquire is endless. And it is unlikely that the debaters will come to a consensus. Most couples treat engagement as a beautiful rite that will only strengthen their feelings and intentions, which will allow them to look at life together from a new perspective. If young people take this step driven by love, it will only bring them joy. If the fear of losing a person prompts the engagement, it is worth thinking again before announcing it.