What Are Relationship Deal Breakers and How to Avoid Them

05.06.2020

Today we will talk about relationship deal breakers, about the red flags, if you will. We will talk about everything that has to do with relationship red flags and deal breakers. How to identify deal breakers in relationships? Let us present a relationship deal breakers list, the top 20 relationship deal breakers, and find out what to do about dating deal breakers.

First, let’s answer the question, "What are deal breakers in a relationship?"

Relationship Breakers Definition

What are marriage deal breakers? What are the red flags in relationships? Red flags of relationships can be hard to notice when you are immersed in an unhealthy relationship. However, some signs will help you understand that you should move on. Are you in a relationship that makes you miserable? You wonder, is it time to say goodbye? Then the material described in this article can help you.

Most relationships start pretty encouragingly. But when they begin to fall apart, it becomes difficult for us to let go of a person, and being able to objectively assess reality is not always easy to do.

If you've found yourself in a relationship that brings you a lot of pain and discomfort, then you should not continue trying to get something out of this union, move on, and do what you like. You should take some time before dating after a breakup, and when you do forget and forgive, and you are ready to move on, then you should check some of the hot women dating sites you can find on the Internet, use their services, and find someone new who will appreciate you as a person.

Why It Is Dangerous to Ignore Relationship Red Flags and Deal Breakers

To live in a family without scandals, spouses need to talk. After all, it is precisely the suppression of problems and unspoken opinions that subsequently leads to a series of scandals. Sometimes one spouse stops talking in the family, sometimes both. Be that as it may, such silence is not at all a pause for reflection, but evidence of a lack of emotional intimacy between spouses.

While we are not able to communicate using extrasensory perception, words are the only means of communication available, not to mention problem-solving. There is little point in not having a relationship with a person. This harms not only family relationships but also suppresses your emotional needs. If you can’t talk about what is in your heart at this very moment, most likely you will not act, succumbing to your emotions.

Unexpressed feelings tend to go over the edge. And the impending conflict, in its intensity, is unlikely to correspond to the initial offense. By announcing that you are angry and explaining the reason, this usually prevents your partner from having a similar condition. Non-verbalized and suppressed feelings will eventually be expressed in the form of resentment, indignation, and will be accompanied by appropriate behavior.

If you do not express your accumulated feelings, you will likely act following your emotions. By doing so, you represent a difficulty in the eyes of your partner and embark on the path of silence and struggle.

Being silent is a form of control

Silence is a very insidious type of control. When we do not share our thoughts with our partners, we try to control the reactions and behavior of other people. If they don’t know what we are thinking about, they don’t know how to answer.

Avoiding conflict

Sometimes people who want to please others or avoid conflict become victims of this dilemma. They tend to choose silence, not wanting to upset their partner. If we use silence, then we unfold an internal monologue in this way. Most often in it, we project from our point of view the answers of others in a situation if we really express our thoughts out loud. By doing so, we find ourselves in a situation of stagnation. After all, communication ceases, and the relationship has virtually no chance of development.

As punishment

Sometimes silence is used as a punishment. Avoiding relationships, with the help of silence some people try to convey their anger, annoyance, and also prevent to resolve the problem. In such a situation, silence plays the role of a controlling factor over the behavior of others. It makes our thoughts and feelings speechless and destroys the potential of an open dialogue. There is no way to find a general solution to the problem. Silence disconnects. In addition to creating obvious obstacles to the development of a healthy relationship, silence can cause feelings of depression and despair, as people are not able to express their feelings out loud for a long time. Silence smothers a relationship.

Manipulative silence destroys one’s mental state, expressing one’s opinion aloud is life-affirming. By silence, we primarily harm ourselves. In order not to get stuck in the quagmire of the fight against the silence, we must use every chance to be heard. And you can learn how to speak so that you are heard.

Main Deal Breakers in Relationships

There are some things that you might ignore in your relationship with your partner, although you should pay attention to them. They can tell you a lot and help you understand if your partner is the only one with whom you are ready to grow old.

What are some relationship deal breakers? Here are a few points that can be considered to be alarming or, as they say, red flags or deal breakers in a relationship.

The way they talk about their exes

If everything they say about their ex-partners is bad, then, most likely, they are one of those people who hold long grievances and engage in gossip. It is probably not true, it is quite unlikely that all of their ex-partners are to blame that they are not together anymore, and their exes were bad at everything they did.

They are not proud of you

They do not want to introduce you to either their friends or family. It looks like they are ashamed of you. However, the opposite may be the case, they can be ashamed of their friends and relatives. Anyway, both cases are a bit alarming.

They keep score

Here’s one of the most common and troubling deal breakers for guys. “I washed the dishes yesterday, took out the garbage, made dinner, so today is your turn.” Reciprocity in a relationship is normal. You must not only take but also give. Another thing is if your partner keeps a strict record of what they did and what you did in turn.

They use sex as a tool

If they ever used sex as a tool to get what they want (as a reward or lack of it as a punishment), then you can be sure: this is a huge red flag. This behavior is pure manipulation. “If you cook dinner, we can have sex tonight ...” – this is a giant red flag!

They can't seem to apologize

In any relationship, there are situations when someone is wrong and has to apologize for certain words and deeds. But if they never apologize, you should reconsider your relationship.

Their core values are very different from yours

If at the beginning of a relationship, you are attracted to your differences, then in the long term relationship, you should have similar values, interests, and views on self-development, money, having children, and so on.

Relationships get physical

Here’s one of the biggest relationship deal breakers. It is one of the most troubling deal breakers for a woman. When you talk about your relationships – it all must be civilized. You should never yell, raise your voice, and even more so, use violence against your partner. But your partner shouldn’t abuse your principles, they should not use your boundaries against you.

They are trying to change you

If your partner influences you in such a way that you are developing, this is a good part of a relationship. We should all make each other better. But if you are a project for them, which they must certainly bring to the end, do everything in their power to shape you into something that they would like to see by their side, then this is an alarming sign. They should accept you as you are, only tactfully pointing out your bad traits of character.

I instead of We

If you have a long-term relationship, but in their speech, you only hear “I, mine, me,” instead of “we, ours, us,” then most likely, they do not see you together in the future.

They don’t get along with their relatives

Each person finds themselves in difficult situations with a particular relative. But in case a person has a bad relationship with all their relatives, something is clearly wrong with them. If they cannot get along with relatives, then they are unlikely to manage to build a normal relationship with you.

It is never easy with them

Each couple periodically enters the strip of complex relationships. Everyone quarrels and reconciles - this is normal. Some couples cease to quarrel over time because they correct their mistakes and listen to each other. If you can’t get along with them from the very beginning of the relationship and you are in a state of constant disagreement, this is a red flag. Such a relationship has no prospect, and it is better not to torture each other.

Feeling unwell

Feeling well is the main sign of a good relationship. If you do not like this world, or you hate to be alone, then, in this case, a healthy relationship with anyone will not be possible. People who constantly need someone else's approval or cling to others are not good partners. If you always feel that way, maybe it's time to pause the relationship and take care of yourself.

Lack of honest conversations

Unions that end up in devastating breakups usually begin well. But if people cannot communicate, then they do not last long. Such a couple cannot listen to others talking about their feelings. But relationships are a very personal thing, so people must communicate with each other. When problems arise, it is important that problems are resolved promptly and that both parties are heard.

A healthy relationship only happens if people feel safe, and their needs are met. But what's the point of love without communication? You cannot share your problems and ideas, joy, or grief.

Obsession

Here’s one of the most common deal breakers for women. Falling in love is good, but only if you are not overly carried away. Do you spend all your free time thinking about your partner? Or constantly monitor their pages on social networks? If you did answer all of the questions above with “yes,” then you most likely experience something called obsession. There is nothing pleasant about this state. One person feels an obsessive desire to have another, but they do not reciprocate. Love is beautiful, kind, and open. The obsession is harsh, evil, and destructive. This difference must always be remembered.

Lack of one's personal life

The happiness of both parties mustn't be tied to another person. Surely you have friends whose life revolves around a wife or husband. They cook, earn money, pay bills, buy gifts and in every way surround the second person with care. Such people often cease to engage in themselves and sacrifice their friends and interests for the sake of a partner. But psychologists are sure that there is no way to build strong relationships on such a foundation, so make sure that there are other interests in your life: a hobby or a job that you love. Remember when you met your friends for the last time. Maybe it's time to do it? Can you spend time alone or do you need someone else to be with you all the time? In a relationship, it can be difficult to separate yourself from another person, especially if you have been dating for a long time. But it is necessary to do this, otherwise, a breakup will become a logical outcome.

Another red flag is the constant repetition of the same. You quarrel, reconcile, part ways, and then everything starts anew. If you find yourself on a "roller coaster ride" that completely devastates your emotional state every single time, then it's time to say goodbye.