How to Come Back to Dating After a Breakup

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16.12.2019

Some people, having recently broken up with a partner, immediately look for a new relationship, trying to act according to the method of "fight fire with fire," get over cheating and recover emotionally. But is it possible to replace one person with another and instantly get rid of past feelings? To get started after such a crucial event happens in your life, you need to take time to understand yourself and realize that you are really ready to turn the page. But when should you start dating after a breakup and how to realize that the moment has come?

Breaking up can be very painful. Not surprisingly, psychological well-being is getting worse. And your best-intentioned friends (hoping to protect you from another breakup) advise you not to rush to enter into a new relationship, especially if your new acquaintance resembles your ex. For some reason, people look with suspicion when after a breakup or divorce, a person quickly finds a new partner. But this option may be the best for you, and there is evidence for this. Why is prejudice so tenacious? How do we behave in a new relationship? And is there any risk that our new partner reminds us of our former love?

is it bad to start dating after a breakup

Why You Really Should Wait Before Dating Again After a Breakup

Western psychologists are actively discussing the so-called “rebound” relationships in which a person enters in a period of acute experiences after a break. Substitutional relationships can occur even before the breakup - during the period of emotional separation of partners.

The experience of losing relationships lasts for different people differently. For someone, a couple of months is enough, for others, the process lasts for years. The duration and intensity of experiences depend on the individual characteristics of the person, on the quality of the relationship as well as on the time during which they were lasting.

For a person who has just survived such a strong emotional situation, the idea that they will not withstand emotional pain is often typical and that is why some men after breakup feel an urgent need to find single ladies for dating. In addition, years of unsatisfying relationships and, as a result, the feeling that a lot of time has been lost, can precede a breakup. There is a desire to make up for lost right now, no matter what. In a substitute relationship, you can escape from obsessive thoughts and worries about the ex-partner, get sexual satisfaction, take up “empty” evenings and weekends.

But what do substitution relationships entail? It would seem that a person, moving away from suffering, tries to overcome spiritual pain, prove that life is not over, and you can continue to rejoice and have fun. The paradox of this “romance” is that it is experienced not like a mature love relationship. So, dating after a breakup can cause more harm than good. How soon is too soon to start dating after a breakup? Everyone decides for themselves. A few days are most probably really not enough to fully recover. But the rest is strictly individual. The period of getting over and being open not only to receive but to give love may take from a few weeks to years.

Problems of Dating Someone New After a Breakup

Perhaps parting with a partner has changed your ideas about family and life in general. Take some time to think about how you would like to see yourself in the future. What would you like to do? Where to live? What kind of people should surround you? It is likely that having decided on your desires, you will understand: you and your ex-person were simply not made for each other. Visualizing a new future will help you build specific goals and motivate you to begin the path to achieving them. But it can be tricky about dating someone new after a breakup when you are not mentally ready.

Trust issues. Under the influence of emotions, we often start looking for the reasons for breaking up or, on the contrary, blaming the partner for everything. Psychologists say: you need to try to soberly assess your role in the relationship and in what happened. Ask the opinion of friends, analyze the information. Most likely, both you and your partner made mistakes that led to the gap. Awareness of these mistakes will help you build stronger relationships in the future.

For many, after parting with a partner, self-esteem is significantly reduced. Often similar consequences are observed in those who have been cheated. Due to a decrease in self-confidence, incorrect models of perceiving oneself begin to form in the head: for example, a person thinks that they are not worthy to be loved. Such attitudes firmly settle in the mind, preventing a person from moving on.

dating someone new after a breakupIf the previous relationship lasted a long time, a person simply forgets how to behave when meeting and making new contacts. In other words, dating again after a breakup, a woman or a man learn how to flirt, give attention and care.

Unrealistic expectations. The feeling of devastation when dating after a bad breakup often gives rise to the idea that there is no sense in living further. It is important to stop these thoughts because loneliness is a temporary period. Devote it to your family, friends, career, charity, your favorite hobby for which you did not have time because of dates. Do not rush to fill the void in your heart immediately after parting - wait until the negative emotions fade away, and you sincerely want to enter into a relationship.

The excessive idealization of a new partner is a serious psychological problem. Women who decide to get married again, literally draw in their heads the image of a prince. They feel like making the wrong choice again, and they repeatedly push away potential candidates.

Comparing. Heavy parting often does not allow us to start a new life since we compare a new partner with an ex, repeat old mistakes or impose a negative of previous relationships on the current. At this moment, it is necessary to stop in time and abstract from the past. If you do not succeed, it is worth contacting a psychologist. Is it bad to start dating after a breakup? No, but if you do it properly or at least get some help. A specialist will help you overcome emotional dependence on a former partner and find happiness in a new union. Getting back into dating after a breakup is hard. Sometimes those who were married cannot get rid of the role of wife or husband. Having started dating, they immediately show possessive ambitions, overly patronize a new partner, try to control them. The romantic period of the couple in this case completely spoils. To a new lover, it begins to seem as if you have been married for many years, although this is not so.

Dealing with common acquaintances. Some believe that the best way to forget your lover is to plunge into a new relationship – fight fire with fire. On the one hand, there is some truth to this: having sex gives you both physical activity and frees your head. On the other hand, this method is associated with some danger. If you are a very emotional person with an unstable psyche, then you can switch to a new partner easily. But what if they turn out to be your and your ex’s common friends? You need to be emotionally stable to deal with it and mentally prepared.

Tips for Getting Back into Dating After a Breakup

There is nothing bad about starting new relationships. Of course, you will compare your present partner to your former, have some trust issue or think that this union cannot last long because you subconsciously feel that these relationships are rebound. But sooner or later your attitude will change for the more positive one. Following some dating after breakup rules will make this switch as painful for you as possible.

Before starting a new relationship. Make sure that nothing reminds you of the past and does not disturb your soul. Delete the phone number of your ex, change your number. Take away all the gifts that your partner gave you. It will be better if you throw them away at all or give them to your friends. You need to start a new relationship after breaking up only when your person appears next to you, the one next to whom your heart will come to life again, next to which you can again feel happy.

Give them a chance to conquer you. Of course, at first, it will be difficult for you to imagine your joint future. Perhaps you will be afraid to open up and believe a new person in your life because just recently you have lost a loved one who betrayed and left you. But your new relationship should be built on unconditional trust. That is why one of the tips for dating after a breakup is to perceive a new person as a blank sheet of paper, do not transfer your own past experience onto it, let them draw their story together with you for scratch.

Do not lie. Another point you should not ignore is your honesty. You must not only believe your partner and demand the same from them. In addition to this, you must never deceive your soulmate. Remember that loved ones are most often ready to accept and understand any, even the most bitter truth, then listen to a constant lie. And relationships that started with a lie, are a complete lie. Because no one would like to be fooled. Of course, you feel scared, you think that the new person will not accept your past.

But why do you need such a partner then? Do you want to date a person who underestimates your experience or claims that it was your fault that the breakup happened? Think twice. You should start any relationship from scratch. Do not hide anything because this is a part of yourself. And if your new lover is not tolerating this, nothing good will come out of this.

Do not recall the ex. You should also pay attention to the fact that in conversations with your new boyfriend, you should not mention your previous partner. If your loved one asks about past relationships, tell briefly about them but never allow yourself to speak badly about what happened. Your new partner should not think that you are experiencing negative emotions. So, how long after a breakup should you start dating? Immediately when you feel that no memories about the ex cause you emotions, neither bad nor positive. You associate that person only with a certain period in your time that you have grown out of.

Never try to compare your new relationships with the past one. At first, it may seem to you that the former partner was better and more beautiful, sincerely treated you. Some people break up with their new lovers only because they cannot accept the character of the new individual human being, who is very different from the character of the former lover. Remember that you should accept your partner as they are, and not try to change or compare them.

The past is the past. It was unexpected, painful, irreparable. But this has already happened and has become part of the past. Some weak-minded people can fixate on what happened for years, analyzing it and looking for new shades of gray and black.

And even worse, when the thought suddenly pierces, "but what if..." It is so nice to provoke yourself with the thought of another ending to an already completed relationship. In any of the fixation options, a person makes a basic mistake, they continue to live in the plane of nonexistent events. Phantom life. The illusion of reality. And this fantasy is the main obstacle to real contentment. And you need to carefully put on the shelf the entire memory of the event. In old age, it will be useful for writing memoirs, for example.

You need to go forward. But how to start a relationship from scratch? "Pumping" your thoughts in the same way as muscles, systematically, confidently, regularly.

getting back into dating after a breakupDo not hurry. In this case, both rush and procrastination are fraught with another nervous breakdown. Trying to fight fire with fire and rushing into the pool of a new relationship immediately after the break, you literally risk your health. Let the wound drag on, self-esteem rise and your gaze acquire a meaningful and confident expression. In this state of tragedy or pretense of bravado, you will easily become a victim of an adventurer.

Procrastination is also a bad scenario. The further you plunge into loneliness, the more difficult it is to get out of it, the deeper and wider your ideas become. Still, do not put the saying "it's better to be alone" at the head of your life, the lonely old age is too sad, whatever one may say. How long after a breakup to start dating? You will feel when you are ready. Happiness formula. Starting a new relationship after the breakup, you do not need to ask friends or look for an answer in the magazine. The outline of any relationship is excessively simple. It does not require reservations or instructions. For those who have forgotten what a relationship with another person you are in love with is:

  • They begin with mutual love.
  • Built on trust and respect.
  • They pursue the same goals.
  • Bring pleasure and satisfaction to both partners.

When a relationship begins with love, people do not wonder how to start it because they have already acquired form and content. But how to maintain such a relationship is another matter.

New hobby. How else can you forget a person after breaking up? Get busy! Let it be a new project at work or a good rest in a noisy company. Discover new hobbies, meet new people, stay up to date with new events in the city. It’s important to ensure that you don’t have time left to miss the past. Having completely plunged into some business, you can not only forget the most painful partings but also meet a new love.

Change yourself. Surely your ex was not perfect. No wonder your relationship ended. But what you need to do is to change yourself. A new image is what you need. No wonder they say: if you want to change your life, change your hairstyle. Pay attention to your appearance, and that beam in the eyes will attract a new person like a magnet. Well, or at least interesting views that will greatly affect your self-esteem!

Psychological training is popular and interesting. Visit personal growth training. This will help find the strength to move on, to live after parting. Be successful, beautiful and happy, and always stay for yourself. When meeting someone, do not try to appear as someone else, be who you are. Behave as you do in ordinary life.

Studies about people who survived traumatic psyche events and tell about their personal growth often show that no internal changes actually occur. We tell ourselves that the new experience has taught us a lot. But often the reason for this is the phenomenon of perception distortion, known as "positive illusions." People sometimes tend to exaggerate their success to fuel self-esteem. The gap can negatively affect your psyche. But if you tell yourself that you are now more independent, this balances the situation. And although you really have not become more independent, it’s easier for you to come to terms with the fact that you were abandoned.

So, you can wait as long as you want without entering into a new relationship, but it will not make you better or more experienced. And even if you think so, it’s self-deception. But what affects your personal growth is who or what you blame for the break. Do you blame yourself? Or a partner? Or circumstances?

Although you really have not become more independent, it’s so easier for you to put up with the fact that you were abandoned. Those who blame the circumstances (employment at work or relationships with relatives of their partner), as a rule, more often report on personal growth. For those who blame themselves, the opposite is true. Much in determining when to start dating after a breakup depends on the lessons that we learn for ourselves.

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