How to Move on After a Breakup When You Are Still in Love

02.05.2018

Life cannot always be predictable, and there is a chance to get through a breakup with a beloved person. We have to leave something or someone from time to time. There are so many different scenarios, and you can hardly guess which exactly will catch up with you. Your relationship might have just reached its limits. Nonetheless, as a rule, any breakup is a painful process, especially if you have to leave a loved one. It's like getting into a deep hole, which is full of sadness, pain, and disappointment.

Many people who have got through a breakup with a partner, cannot pick themselves up for a long time. Don’t make a list of movies to watch after a breakup, they will not help you. The first thing you should do is to realize that the relationship is over, and it’s high time to look for the effective ways of moving on after a breakup. Let go the person who doesn’t want to meet the challenge and who has already decided to choose a different life journey. Do you know what to do after a breakup? Your main task is to regain the desire to live, to raise self-esteem and to get back in the game, to engage in familiar business and, possibly, to start a new relationship. It might seem to you that your world is falling apart, but you should not forget that it is temporary.

Anxiety after a breakup

All people who have got through a breakup, feel anxiety because everyone is prone to internal conflicts. Stress is already a norm that has become a part of our lives.

Anxiety after a breakup is a painful thing, a bad mood, a heartbreaking feeling and an inability to change the situation. You should try to do your best to accept this state despite feeling lonely after a breakup. Anyway, you will not be able to escape your experiences and sufferings. Many people try to dull their anxiety with the help of work, another person, religion, sickness, alcohol, fantasies instead of giving themselves a chance to suffer and overcome.

Professional help is a must.  The fact is that stress is not just fatigue or a bad mood. The more you load yourself, getting through one of the worst periods of your life, the more harm you bring to your body. It is necessary to leave your business for some time, to offer close friends or relatives to meet with you, to take some time off work and take care of your psychological health. Conversations with a psychotherapist are not a cliché but a way to understand yourself and get rid of the emotional burden. After all, this is surely not just a sad story, but a big number of complexes, feelings of guilt, resentment, and, quite possibly, even grief. You need to sort out all the things before you start performing daily duties and think about dating after a breakup. In addition to professional help, you need to change something in your lifestyle. Give yourself time to get back on your feet and put maximum effort into it because your own happiness depends only on you.

Depression after a breakup

People who are strongly attached to another person at an emotional and physical level, suffer from depression quite often. It is accompanied by a deep anxiety, discomfort, and apathy. Depression after a breakup is a reaction of your body to leaving a person with whom you are still in love.

The duration of such a disorder can be different. It depends on the type of the human nervous system, as well as on their ability to cope with their emotions and thoughts. The need for love is one of the main necessities. In the case of a breakup, it is very difficult to live as usual because the brain of such a person is completely occupied with happy memories. It takes a very long time to recover. It seems that hours last for ages. It is possible to trace some stages of such depression.

Rejection. When a person finds out about a breakup, then the brain simply rejects this information in the first minutes. This is a simple defensive reaction of the body to stress.

Aggression. When you realize that the relationship cannot be saved, then you start reflecting on possible options to get back at the ex-lover. It can be a dirty trick, which, in fact, is a manifestation of the survival instinct. It is necessary to try very hard not to do anything wrong at this time.

Apathy. In comparison with the two previous stages, which can last only a couple of days, apathy can last from several weeks to a year. Apathy after a breakup is characterized by an unwillingness to do anything as well as lack of confidence in the opposite sex. Strong and prolonged apathy turns into a real depression.

The best way of healing after a breakup is to get rid of love addiction. As a rule, a person does not suffer for their partner but for loving sensations. This means that they are suffering exclusively for themselves. This formulation is very helpful in getting rid of depression. It turns out that love is based on human hormones, and this addiction is not to a certain person but to the sensations that love brings you.

What not to do after a breakup?

There are some things that you should not do after a breakup with your partner. You might have already heard about them, but it’s better to remind you once again than to allow you forget and suffer even more. Here are six things that are forbidden to men after a breakup.

Do not close yourself at home. How to feel better after a breakup? To fix your emotional state, do not allow yourself to "be lazy" and isolate yourself from the world. Let every day bring something new, let it be filled with actions, deeds, trips, meetings, new discoveries, and small pleasures. Try to enjoy nature, the sun, to get new emotions, try a new kind of sports.

Do not try to stay friends. Both of you need time to "heal the wounds," and you must heal them, being far away from each other. If you try to be friends immediately, then, most likely, you will remain a couple. Stay away from each other until you understand for sure that everything is over, and you are free. What to say after a breakup? You can just say, “Goodbye.”

Do not cut your hair or get a tattoo. There have been big changes in your life, and you feel that you have to do something to "refresh" or "diversify" your life. For example, to get an awesome tattoo or some stunning haircut. However, remember that change of the appearance does not mean that you will immediately feel better. You can feel even worse if your experiments with a new image don’t bring the desired relief. Especially if it's a tattoo, which you will later regret.

Do not start a new relationship. To start a new relationship immediately after the previous one is not the best way out. Of course, you can find a one-night stand, but do not seek a new monogamous relationship to fill the emptiness because of the breakup with the ex.

Do not spill your guts on Facebook, etc. Do not update your FB status by telling everyone that you are at the 7-th stage of grief. It’s not the best way to feel better and to find someone who will sympathize with you.

Do not call your partner every time when you think about them. Of course, first, you will think about them several times a day, but be strong, do not call them every half hour and do not chase. How to be happy after a breakup? Learn to live your own life.

Staying friends after a breakup: is it possible?

Any relationship can end with two things, happily ever after or a breakup. In the first case, everything is clear. Talking about the second option, quite often, couples try to stay friends, but, in 95 percent of cases, this is just an unfulfilled promise and a relationship, which can hardly be considered friendly. Why is it so difficult and what happens to people after the breakup? First, it’s necessary to make a list of the main reasons why people insist on staying friends after a breakup.

1. They have many common topics. It’s about shared memories and interests. People want to experience this all over again. However, personal insults quickly destroy the desire to communicate.

2. It has to be done. You are decent people, and decent people must stay friends after a breakup.

3. The desire to keep close contact with the ex-partner. You want to be jealous.

4. It's convenient. You do not need to change the old circle of friends. You can find many similar reasons.

Nonetheless, you can hardly stay friends because of different causes, there are just several examples of the most common ones.

You cannot trust each other. You need to trust to be friends with anyone. One of you was cheating on another one or, maybe, both of you were doing that. In addition, you cannot even tell your ex about what happens in your life. After all, you can have a new partner, and every mention of this person can make the ex-love suffer. Do not you think that it's awful?

One of you will always have resentment or reproaches. A breakup of the relationship without bitterness and mutual reproaches doesn’t exist. After all, why did you break up? There can be any reason for the reproach, even the simplest one, for example, you were unbearably boring, and you did not pay attention to the partner. Even if the time has passed and the ex-partner has already forgotten the offense, they still remember that you are boring, and you cannot be trusted.

You are jealous. Even if you both have found a new love, you can still be offended by the fact that your ex-partner has found someone better than you and does not belong to you anymore. You may not realize that, but it will put pressure on you at a subconscious level. You cannot calmly look at the happy face of your ex-partner even if it's been a long time. It is unpleasant. You want your relationship remains something special for your ex, you want to stay their one and only even after the breakup. However, this happens very rarely. Most often, people fall in love many times again.

There is still passion between you. If, of course, the lack of passion is not the root cause of your breakup. There was some kind of chemistry between you, wasn’t it? You turned on each other many times earlier, and don’t mind repeating it once again. Nonetheless, break-up sex is not the best idea if you do not want to feel all the bitterness of a breakup again.

Your ex is a constant reminder. The ex-partner prevents you from moving on. They are a stumbling block on the way to your happy future, they make you repeat the mistakes of the past. The easiest way to stay friends is to forgive each other, but the best way to forgive is to forget. Then in a few years, you will be able to say each other "Hi" without embarrassment. The constant presence of the ex-partner on your contacts list prevents you from taking the next step, getting to know new people and getting something new. Ideally, you are grown-up people who have forgiven and forgotten everything, but the root cause of your breakup is still here, do you remember it? Don’t build castles in the air because besides pleasant memories, there is still jealousy, bitterness, guilt, and other not very pleasant feelings. How can you stay friends after that?