Dating a Friend's Ex - Is It Worth Trying and How to Make It Right

25.03.2020

Friends... many men tend to put a lot of meaning in this word, considering this person almost a brother, with whom they can easily share the most sacred and can trust as well as themselves. But life is unpredictable, and at times, it can play a good joke on those men who consider themselves best friends. In some cases, it forces them to “fight” for one woman, although there is a website to meet women or any other way to find a girlfriend.

Sometimes life poses difficult questions for us. Sometimes these questions seem insoluble. And here is one of them: you, your best friend, and his ex-girlfriend. They were happy together. You don’t know how your friend will react to the fact that now you like her. But you can’t do anything with it. You fell in love with your best friend’s girlfriend. So, what should I do if I like my best friend’s girlfriend? And is it okay to date your friend’s ex? There is no universal step-by-step instruction on dating my friend’s ex and how to get out of this situation without hurting anyone’s feelings. But we will try to give advice that can help you or at least direct you towards the best solution.

When Dating an Ex-Friend Is a Good Idea

Both male and female friendships are tested for strength in various critical moments. One of such moments might be, for example, falling in love with an ex of your best friend. The situation when a man falls in love with his friend’s girlfriend is rather complicated. Such events occur in the lives of both young guys and mature men. The wrong approach and understanding of the very essence of such a situation may leave you with a broken heart and loneliness. You may lose not only a girl but also a best friend. So, when you can start dating your friend’s ex?

Their relationship is officially over

The couple’s relationship didn’t go well. They often quarreled, argued, didn’t find a common language. A friend complained about his girlfriend or looked very depressed and unhappy. His mother wanted his son to find a “normal” girl; they don’t have common hobbies for couples anymore. Perhaps, in this case, the intervention of a faithful friend will be very helpful. But first, you should figure out whether they really ended their relationships. You know, couples often say that they broke up, and two weeks later, as if nothing has happened, they are back together. So, make sure they don’t love each other anymore before you start dating your best friend’s ex.

Your friend has no feelings to her

We mean, has he already overcome his feelings and moved on? Many people remain friends after a breakup, but they don’t feel anything for their exes. They just consider them an experience, a person from a previous life, just a friend, etc. But they don’t feel any romantic feelings towards each other. In such cases, you can start a relationship with a friend’s ex-girlfriend. But before you do this, find out how they relate to each other.

The friend is in a new relationship for a long time

Another situation in which you can count on a positive reaction from your friend is if he is happy with a new girl, and he doesn’t care who his ex is dating (even if she’s dating his best friend, i.e. you). Understand that when a man falls in love, he doesn’t care about others. All he cares about is himself and his new relationship. And if he has a new relationship for a long time, then you can be sure that the feelings for the ex-girlfriend have already cooled. He is no longer interested in her.

Is It Worth Talking to a Friend About Your Intentions?

Yes, yes, and yes. It is not always possible to stop loving a person by willpower, even if she is an ex of a close friend. If you can’t do anything with your emotions, then romantic feelings are really serious.

Sincerity is what you need most right now. Don't try to get a girl when your best friend doesn’t even know about your feelings. It’s better to say directly about this. Of course, you should prepare for the possible consequences – resentment, misunderstanding, and accusations, but your conscience will remain clear. Talk to a friend and his ex-girlfriend individually. In a private conversation, you will see a genuine reaction of people, and you will understand from it what impression your sensual monologue made. Remember that you act at the call of your heart, so don’t regret anything.

For example, let it sound like this: “Listen, there’s something I’d like to talk to you about. I think (the name of his ex) is a cool girl, and I would like to ask her to go out. I would like to know how you feel about this, even though you are not a couple anymore. You know me, I wouldn’t want to hide something from you, so I want to understand whether you still have feelings for her?”

Dating a Friend's Ex: Main Rules

We hope that you can distinguish love from the fleeting attraction. If you are pleased to communicate with a friend’s ex-girlfriend, you are happy to go for a walk together, then this doesn’t mean that you are in love. This feeling has more serious manifestations. Can’t you fall asleep without the thought of a beautiful lady? Every meeting with a girl brings both joy and suffering? If it is so, then it already looks like love, and you definitely need to decide something, otherwise, your life will turn into hell. What if you really love an ex of your best friend? Take a look at this advice on dating a friend’s ex to solve the problem.

1. Understand yourself

Is it wrong to date your friend’s ex? Well, first of all, it is worth understanding yourself: do you really like her? Look, a woman surrounded by male attention causes involuntary interest. Ever since childhood, human nature has realized the main thing: someone's toy is always more interesting, and the apple is tastier. Do you understand what we are talking about?

2. Always put yourself in the shoes of all participants of the situation

If you were your best friend, how would you feel if you knew that your best friend was in love with your ex-girlfriend? If you were his ex-girlfriend, what would you do if you knew about the feelings of your ex-boyfriend’s friend? Sometimes it can be very useful to see and understand the situation from the point of view of other people.

3. Tell about this to your best friend

We wrote about it a few lines above. But it is better to repeat it. If they've broken up, you can try to establish close relationships with her when your friend doesn’t know about it. But it’s better to tell him about your intentions before you do this. Perhaps it will be unpleasant for him to see you together, especially if the girl was the initiator of the breakup.

4. Always make priority

We instinctively feel who is dearer to us! If you understand that your friendship will end if you start dating a friend’s ex, and he is dearer to you, then go over yourself and look for another girl. And if you understand that relationships are more important than friendship, then start building your personal life no matter what.

5. Find out how she feels about you

You have to understand her attitude to you – this is one of the most important rules of dating a friend’s ex. If she doesn’t show signs of attention and even says that she likes another guy, then maybe you shouldn’t try to build a relationship with her yet? But if you can see from her behavior that she is also interested in you (she constantly texts you, she wants to spend time with you and is interested in your life), then you can try to build a relationship.

What Do You Need to Ask Yourself Before Starting Such a Relationship?

Before you start a relationship with your best friend’s ex-girlfriend, you should ask yourself a few important questions. And here they are:

Can you lose a friend because of this?

So, am I a bad person for dating my friend’s ex? No, you are not. But still, on the one hand, you didn’t betray him as your best friend. You didn’t steal his girl. You warned him that you like her and that you intend to be with this girl. If he had a relationship with her, but he understood that his girlfriend was not happy with him, then he let her go. If you didn’t become the cause of the breakup, then your friend should accept this situation. But on the other hand, if he still loves her, then, of course, you can lose your friend because he will not be able to accept this situation.

Is there any contact between your friend and his ex?

Even if you really like a friend’s girlfriend, you shouldn’t try to seduce her and start a relationship immediately after their breakup. Even if they broke up, they may still have something in common. And your task is to understand whether there is something between them. If they are still suffering from a breakup, communicate by messages, visit each other’s accounts, it means that they have not accepted the situation yet, and it is better for you to wait.

Can anyone be hurt because of this?

Yes, all three of you can get hurt. Your friend may not understand you and that you want to start dating friends ex. You may get hurt because you want to be with this girl, but you can’t because a friend is dear to you, but you realize that you may miss a good opportunity to build a strong relationship. A girl can also suffer because she will be caught between two fires. And she may even have feelings for both of you, and it will be difficult for her to choose with whom to build a relationship.

Now you know the answer to the question of what to do if you have feelings for an ex-girlfriend of your best friend. We hope your ethical dilemma dating a friend’s ex is solved now. It is very important to be able to understand your feelings in time. Before you tell a friend about your feelings for his ex-partner, you need to carefully weigh everything, and make sure that it is true love and not passion, physical attraction or just a desire to get a friend’s ex.