Bring BDSM to Your Sex Life with This Guide

30.01.2018

What is BDSM? If you've ever googled these four letters, you probably know how many things are written about this phenomenon. However, not all information about BDSM on the Internet, as well as in some books and films, is the absolute true. The aggressive and dangerous image that has been created around BDSM does not allow many people to discover something new about sex. It is necessary to sort out this culture better to dispel the myth that BDSM is a dangerous and unnatural perversion for a person.

What BDSM stands for and why people love it?

What does BDSM stand for? Many people know the meaning of the acronym BDSM, but if you are not one of them, and you rely only on the associations with these four letters, then remember the following information. BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. Do not be afraid because everything is not so scary as it seems. BDSM stands for a certain partners of behavior towards each other, including all of the above words, depending on sexual desires and fantasies and, of course, experience and practice.

In addition to the psychological attitude and specific elements of the game, people use sex accessories like handcuffs, whips, chains, scarves, bondage and a lot of other interesting BDSM equipment. You can also use the eye blindfolds and gags, which enhance the effect and excitement of the partner. If the partner's limbs are tied up or strapped to something, then the bondage is used, and here is a place where imagination runs wild. In the BDSM culture, very much attention is paid to binding, special techniques, for example, shibari, rope materials, and pleasure that each of the partners can get at the time of binding.

How does it work?

Discipline is very important in BDSM since the dominant partner manifests their power through a series of instructions for the submissive partner. Depending on how the commands were executed, the dominant encourages or punishes their submissive partner. In most cases, it is the same thing. Instructions or punishments can be simple when a partner orders their submissive one to wait for them at home completely naked until they come back from work. Or punishment can be more rigid, and the submissive partner has to endure 10 minutes of spanking with palms or a whip.

This is the way how dominance and submission are manifested in BDSM. Perhaps, these are the most sensual and emotionally strong sides of the whole culture, as partners exchange power, voluntarily recognize the supremacy of another person, enjoying their psychological and sexual roles. At the stage of dominance and submission, sex itself does not matter since the physical contact of partners can be minimal. It all comes down to showing power, gaining control over your partner's body and, of course, responsibility for their safety and pleasure. The submissive partner completely trusts their dominant partner, this reinforces sexual arousal when you embrace these ideas. Search for BDSM sites to study all the possible options.

What about sadism and masochism?

As for sadism and masochism, these are physical manifestations of power and submission. For those who are unfamiliar with the pleasure that can be found in the culture of BDSM, these concepts can seem creepy and remain misunderstood. This is not the best kind of BDSM for beginners. In sadomasochism, the main aspects are pain and humiliation. The term has been created from the names of two quite famous writers Marquis de Sade and Leopold Ritter von Sacher-Masoch. They wrote about the perverted pleasure that pain brings.

So, you should better get acquainted with their work instead of “Fifty Shades of Grey” if you want to understand what ordinary people find in the sadomasochism. Sadomasochism can be about just rough sex as well as about tougher things like strangulation, rude slaps with both hands and a whip, and even the use of needles.

Safety issues. Despite the fact that many things listed above may seem creepy and unacceptable to people who are far from sexual diversity, BDSM culture is very reasonable and competent. The first and most important words that you need to know about how everything is arranged in BDSM are, "Safely, consciously and voluntarily." This is something like a motto that all BDSM enthusiasts know by heart. In addition to a variety of non-standard pleasures, the balance of the BDSM game process is always maintained, and all equipment is checked in advance, as well as the partners discuss the upcoming game scenario, paying attention to the moments about who will perform each of the roles, how long and how often they will do that, and, of course, with what intensity certain actions must be committed.

For example, one partner may want to be strangled but not so much as to lose consciousness. That’s why there are stop words in BDSM that you have probably heard about. Partners use simple words that can be easily remembered and used during the game. "Green" is a word meaning that everything goes fine, and you can continue. "Yellow" means that you need to be more careful or check what has caused the confusion or anxiety of the partner. "Red" means you have to stop.

Showing concern. Another important component of BDSM is the subsequent care of the partner. It includes returning to reality and discussing all that has happened to you. This is necessary for the partners to understand better their roles and understand what they like and what they don't want to repeat. Also, showing concern means standard caresses like embraces, physical and verbal manifestations of love.

BDSM practices you should definitely try with your partner

The following information is intended for those who are just trying to take the first steps on the way to the extreme BDSM.

Dominance and submission. In "adult" BDSM games submission is close to humiliation. However, an unprepared person can get an extremely painful impression because of your attempt to humiliate them even for fun. Therefore, don’t go too far and just have BDSM sex under duress. You will just have to decide who will force whom. It would be interesting not just to play a rape but to organize a role-playing game with at least a minimum of BDSM toys. For example, let a strict teacher punish a lazy girl with a BDSM whip, just as she deserves.

Bondage. Binding or bondage is one of the most common BDSM practices. Nonetheless, you should not get carried away and try to repeat those difficult knots and ways of tying that you surely meet in BDSM videos. It will be sufficient enough to tie the partner's hands to the bed or tie them over their head, carefully making sure that the ropes do not cut into the skin. It is not recommended to use scotch for binding because it is quite painful to rip it off, as well as wires and cables because they can constrict the vessels. Pay attention to the belts, ties, kerchiefs and even pantyhose, these things are quite suitable. Remember the main thing, you should never leave a tied partner alone in the room and always hold the scissors at arm's length so that you can help them get rid of the bondage at any second.

Spanking. It is very important not to overdo it. The first spankings should be soft and, rather, be teasing than painful. The force of BDSM spanking should be increased gradually. You should try not to get carried away with the process too much. And most importantly, do not forget to agree in advance about the stop-word, the signal by which the execution immediately stops. And when the spanking is over, put some soothing cream on the affected area.

Games with temperatures. This is one of the best BDSM ideas because the temperature change makes the sensations really different. Games with temperature are especially effective if the partner will be blindfolded because they will not know what to expect at the next moment. A few words about how you should better play. If you have seen in the films how the actors drip melted wax from a candle on each other, you should better forget that moment forever because, in films, they use special candles with a low melting point. Temperature contrasts can be organized with the help of a massage, using ice cubes alternately with hot kisses after several sips of hot coffee.

Food play. As they say, it is tasty and useful. Just do not say that you've never used whipped cream for erotic games. However, you are not limited to the whipped cream. Of course, "dirty games" are good under the shower or on old sheets. Nonetheless, there are only a few rules that should be adhered to. First, the food should be sweet. Mustard is a bad idea. Use liquid but not hot chocolate, syrup, candy or, if you are a fan of a healthy lifestyle, pieces of fruit or berries. Secondly, do not put food in an inappropriate place. The gynecologists have already repeated the safety techniques many times, but someone will still do that.

Dirty talks. Many people like "quiet sex," when only you, your partner and noisy breathing. However, if you decide to try one of these practices, dress up in BDSM clothing and start talking dirty. Tell them what you feel when you have sex or fantasize about what you would have done if you met under other circumstances. For example, you can tell something like that, "Sometimes, I imagine that we are on the train. We do not know each other, you sit in front and get yours ..." In general, honestly, you can live out your fantasies at least partially and turn on to the fullest.

Misconceptions and prejudices. There are many misunderstandings and false ideas when it comes to sex, for example, famous G-spot and the fact that no one can find it. Lack of knowledge about how sex is arranged at the physiological level and much more, makes people think that BDSM is directly associated with pain. However, not all people who are interested in BDSM have specially equipped rooms, many toys and the intention to hurt someone. Many participants do not cause and do not experience pain at all. The most important misconception is that BDSM is a hardcore sex with slaves, masters in the dungeons for sex games.

Of course, there are people who consider such things to be attractive, but they have a lot of experience. In the rest, BDSM is a game of temperaments, focusing on sensations and psychological state. In other words, BDSM culture is much more developed than most people can even imagine, being oriented only to associations with the words, and being even not interested in how it happens in elementary porn films. Today, there are masters and instructors who are ready to show you the art of dominance and submission, so that you can diversify your sex life, discover something new while remaining in physical and psychological security. Don't be ashamed of your desires, you cannot even imagine how many well-educated people practice BDSM.