After First Date: What to Do and What to Text

05.10.2018

What to do After First Date

At the core of every proper after first date advice article you will find the same theme: what to do or what to say after first date always should be based on how it passed. Naturally, you need to evaluate it soberly. You don’t have to overthink it, most of the time, everything is pretty obvious. If the girl actively supported the conversation, laughed at your jokes and behaved very friendly to you, it is clear that the meeting went well. Even better if it ended with the first kiss.

However, there are different situations, and it is possible that your new girlfriend may be a bitch or a short-sighted person, in whom you are not interested in at all. Another case of a bad date is that you do not know how to behave for the whole date, you are talking nonsense and you are doing inappropriate actions to impress her. But it only gets worse. And when you have little time for communication, for example, you meet at lunchtime or after work, then the date in general can pass on a friendly wave, and end on a neutral one.

This, of course, is far from all variants of the development of events, and the ideal case is when you, after the first date, drag her into bed. And you should strive for this. But most often, the first date ends either good or bad. Let's start with the first case.

Follow Up After First Date

You really liked the girl, and you had a wonderful time. Maybe even you kissed her. Is it worth calling after first date immediately? You can just wish her a good night or make a nice compliment. But, in no case can you show your extreme interest, as a weird desire, perverted even. If right after the first date you text her, then she immediately takes you to the category of easily accessible guys, and her interest in you will noticeably decrease. This does not mean that there will not be a second date, she'll just start to manipulate you. After a neutral message, you may forget her for about a couple of days. And then just call her to find out how she's doing. Tactfully ask about the plans for the weekend and offer her to go on a date.

When to Text After First Date

What to text a girl after first date, it all depends on how this first date went. We will now go over some general after first date rules, which will help you understand when to text a girl after first date.

First on our list of the “after first date tips” is the situation in which the first date went really well. In this case, she will eagerly wait for you to call her. Moreover, she will be lost in conjecture, and worry about whether she was good, whether she did everything right and how impressed you were. That's why you should not text her with praises immediately after the meeting, nor call to express your admiration. Let her suffer a couple of days, it’s all for the greater good.

If a guy does not start texting after first date about his excitement and love, then he lets her know that he is not an easy prey. But do not overdo it, don’t forget about her for months, ignoring messages and stuff, practically ghosting her.

The next situation - the date was ok, that is, on a friendly wave. Do not worry about it, they say, it immediately takes you to the category of good friends. But if you have not done anything stupid and haven’t messed up, then she will surely pick up the phone when you call her in a few days. It doesn’t make any sense to text her the same day in the case of an ok date. But in this case, you have to be more thorough, you have to try to find out more information so that the new date would be more romantic.

I want to further comment on this, while we are at it, that there is one more upside of communication by texting: if you did not manage to persuade a girl to have another date with you during your first encounter, then your communication usually comes to naught. Moreover, a girl starts to lose interest in you, yet here lies the upside. The situation can be easily fixed with a simple message at any time. The call or text after first date should be simple and straightforward, the fact that you do not know each other that well means that she there is no in-between with an answer you are going to receive, it’s either yes or no. Furthermore, if she is even slightly interested, a pause and a message after a few days will do wonders, since you have allowed her to wonder: what is he truly like, will he be interested in moving forward?

Well, at last, is it worth writing about the situation in which the first date went badly. If you aren’t interested in her, she is simply not good for you, then do not call or contact her. No contact after first date is acceptable here since you are not interested. If she turns out to be persistent and calls you herself, then you have to answer politely and say it like it is, once and for all. When you are the originator of failure on the first date, you do not really have to write anything. Normal communication after first date doesn’t apply. If you behaved incorrectly, a text message after the first date will definitely not help. As a way out of this situation – wait for a week, so that the girl cools down, and then call and look for any sign of interest, is it there, or you don’t even have to bother. In general, it is usually immediately clear: if the girl picked up the phone, then everything is not yet lost. And if she doesn’t answer your call, then it just does not make sense to push on further. Look for somebody else.

How Long to Wait After First Date for a Second Date

As already mentioned above, it all depends on how a date passed.

The meeting was wonderful - call in a couple of days. How long should I wait to text her after first date? Do not waste a lot of time, but do not rush out the invitation to a second date immediately. Ask her how she is doing, what she does on this or that day, tell her about some interesting event, and then just ask about her plans, schedule a date. Earlier I wrote on what to talk with a girl about on the phone.

The meeting was held on a friendly wave, it was neutral, or rather, ok - you can make a bigger gap, but so that she does not forget you. But do not sweat about what to write to a girl after the first date. You still have everything ahead, it can still go either way.

The meeting was terrible - do not call at all. And only if the fault is all your inadequate behavior, then you can try calling in a week or two to simply to see her reaction.

All this, of course, is good, but personally I try to never think at all about what to write to a girl after a date, or what to say on the phone. I just always try to make it so that the meeting is not neutral, yet I try to push it forward right from the get-go, that is, the first kiss. That is, do not postpone it to the very end of a date, as many do.

Best of all, when it happens somewhere in the middle of a meeting. First, it increases your chances of success if she is actively participating in it and it becomes a proper kiss, not just a smooch on a cheek. And these kisses often do break out, however do not be afraid to be blunt about it – rarely after an attempt to go for a kiss, girls run away screaming. In fact, they like persistent and self-confident guys. That is why it is almost always possible to make it unneutral, if you will, to paint it in shades of love that is just starting out. And secondly, if the kiss was already in the middle of a date, then you still have plenty of time to get even closer, and spend that time on a completely different level and a more pleasant one. My advice to you: always take a step further than a girl allows you. After all, she specifically sets artificial barriers for you so that you overcome them. And then you will not even have questions like how to behave after meeting a girl.

Ghosted After First date: What to do

In itself, the phenomenon of a ghost is not new. It is not something new as of now, you may have done it yourself before you realized that this type of ignoring someone had a name. In the "pre-virtual era," it was more difficult to do it, your reputation in a circle of common acquaintances and colleagues was at stake. Back in the day there was no really proper way to get out of it, everyone was dating someone with whom they got mutual friends and such.

On the Internet, there is no such social control, and breaking the connection without visible consequences is easier. Online dating etiquette after first date is quite different from what it was like back in the day.

The passive-aggressive tactic of ghosting is discouraging. It creates a sense of ambiguity. It seems to you that they show disrespect to you, you have been rejected, but you are not totally sure of it. Should I worry? And what if something happened to your acquaintance or is he or she busy and simply cannot answer your texts and messages? Janice Wilhauer argues that social rejection activates the same centers of pain in the brain as physical pain. Therefore, a simple analgesic on the basis of paracetamol can help with this anxiety of ghosting. But apart from this biological connection between rejection and pain, she sees several other factors that increase our discomfort.

Constant contact with the surroundings is important for survival, this evolutionary mechanism has been developing for thousands of years. Social norms help us to adapt to a variety of situations. However, it is harmful to deprive yourself of communication during such periods: there is no way to express our emotions to the offender or really any other human. At some point, it may seem that we are losing control of our own lives.

To begin with, we advise to take for granted that ghosting has managed to turn into a socially acceptable way of communication without actual communication. The very realization that you are not facing a dead end in terms of looking for a partner in life helps to remove a load of anxiety. "It is important to understand: the fact that you are ignored does not say anything about you and your qualities. This is just a sign that your acquaintance is not ready and is not capable of healthy and mature relationships," – emphasizes Janice Wilhauer. "Ghost" is afraid to face you and your emotions; he/she is deprived of empathy or purposely disappeared for a while in order to cause you emotional pain, even if they do not realize it. It is always better to express your feelings to a person, so that even if the process of anger or regret because of rejection is coming, it would at least start right away, without any prelude and questions left unanswered.