Top Things to Know Before Getting Married

13.02.2019

Marriage is the second job. However, there is no weekend, you cannot call in sick, or go on vacation. If you are going to tie the knot, you have often thought about what you need to know before marriage. Surely you thought about when to have a baby and how to save a marriage after the birth of a kid. But children are not the only things to think about. There are many other issues to reflect on before getting married.

Today, we are going to tell you about the most important things to do before getting married. We have prepared 6 truths about marriage, which you need to know as soon as possible. Read them so you don’t have to look for advice on how to save a marriage.

Things to Know Before Getting Married

1. Unconditional love between partners does not exist

The spouse is not your child. They grew up long ago and became a mature personality. It is with them that you have to live together, build a family, and raise children. However, one cannot guarantee a bright everyday manifestation of their love for you throughout all the years. There are so many moments in life when a partner may displease you. There may be bad times when it seems like your marriage is falling apart. Love is not a quick and permanent result. You need to work on your relationships and find ways to preserve love over the years of marriage. It is one of the most useful things to consider before getting married.

2. The most difficult time after birth is the first two years

Almost all spouses dream of becoming parents. However, the birth of a child will completely change the usual course of life. The conflicts that have arisen before will no longer be resolved in the usual ways, you will not have enough sleep, the woman's hormone level will go off-scale, and thoughts and actions will change. And at this time, it is very important not to allow these difficulties to take root in the future. Do not accumulate resentment and irritation, it is worth talking to each other more often and keeping in mind that you once fell in love with each other, thus, made your own choice.

3. Sexual life will often take second place

Even a great love of sex is dulled with marriage. But do not let your sex life go downhill. You can consult with a psychologist, turn on the imagination, and find a way to regain sexual desire. Sometimes it can manifest itself in partners at different times, but you should not blame each other. Reduced desire for intimacy with a spouse often occurs unconsciously. Pressure and blaming will lead to a greater estrangement of the relationship. Try to look for other points of contact and develop warm feelings that will help you keep your sex life at the highest level.

4. Fill your marriage with pleasant moments every day

Relationships can be improved with pleasant little things, for example, with a kind word that is always pleasant to hear. You can bring your spouse their favorite treat and enjoy it together. Feel free to show tenderness and joy (with words, emotions, and actions) when your spouse is at home. Believe it will be very pleasant for any husband or wife. If you have thought of something extremely romantic and sweet, make it happen. After all, a happy marriage is a mosaic of such pleasant moments.

5. You should always work on relationships

The truth of family life is this: no efforts of one spouse to restore relationships and keep love can save a family without the participation of the other spouse. Couples, where one tries their hard and the second doesn’t care at all, surely fall apart. Perhaps, the person has not been taught that mutual responsibility is important in marriage. Do not blame your loved one that they show complete indifference. Taking offense will not help. Such a partner needs time. Sometimes one invests in a relationship more than another one. The main thing is that you work on relationships together.

6. Do not argue who does more for relationships

Both spouses are doing a lot of work, invisible to each other. In disputes, there are no prizes and winners on this occasion, but there are only losers. Responsibilities are divided equally, but they are different. For example, the husband earns money but does little housework, and the wife does not work, but she is responsible for the children and home comfort. At the same time, any wife will appreciate her husband’s help in taking care of children, while her husband will be pleased with her support and understanding that he is tired. The main thing is not to forget to thank each other for any work done.

How Long Should You Date Before Getting Married?

Marriage is a very important step, which must be approached with full determination and great responsibility. People who understand it, look for a life partner for a long time and then doubt whether this is the right person. And there is always the fear that romantic feelings can fade away after getting married. It is so terrible to make a mistake and commit to the wrong person. First and foremost, relationships are built in order to make the right choice. So, how long do people date before getting married? Psychologists say that you should date from six months to three years before you get married.

During this period, the couple has time to recognize themselves in different situations, show their positive and negative qualities, quarrel and see how each of them is ready for compromise, find ways to reconciliation, understand the life positions of the partner, and learn about their priorities in life and goals. Also, they manage to meet with relatives and friends of the beloved one. Moreover, it is advisable to live together for at least three months to find out how you can live under the same roof.

Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

Why do some married couples break up after two or three years of life together, while others live in love until old age? Considering that, in the beginning, both of them were deep in love. What did go wrong? Maybe the reason is that they do not know the things to talk about before getting married. Perhaps, in a fit of feelings, they did not discuss several important issues that determine their joint future. So, what to do before getting married? There are 7 questions to ask before getting married.

How do you get along with each other in everyday life?

It is one of the most important things to discuss before getting married. Can dirty dishes or other household trifle kill true love? Maybe - if you face it every day. One partner will be annoyed by the careless attitude to domestic issues, unfair distribution of duties, and ignorance of their requests. The other will be annoyed by the constant reproaches and the fact that the partner is fixated on little things that they don’t care about. It cannot but affect the relationship. Therefore, you need to determine before the wedding whether you can live under the same roof and get along with each other in everyday life.

What do you think of children?

Everything is simple: one partner plans to have children, and another one does not want to have them at all. One wants children now, and the other wants in 10 years. One wants a single kid, while another one wants at least three. All this seems like a distant future, talk about which can be put off till another time. But getting married, you already agree to a shared future. And if one partner does not want children, and the other does not take it seriously, hoping to convince them later – this behavior can cause divorce. Or, they will even succeed in persuading the partner, but their beloved one, having made such concessions, will become unhappier, which will also lead to inevitable collapse.

How do you feel about each other's relatives?

Is your partner close with their relatives? If it is so, how much? Are you ready to communicate with this family all your life? Are they ready to accept you? If your relations with relatives are not very close, and you don’t see each other often, then relations with them can play a small part for you. But if your loved one is close with their family, and it has an important role in their life, but you cannot get along with their relatives, consider whether it will be the cause for further problems. Even if now you try not to react to the dislike of their family so as not to quarrel with the partner, think about whether you will always respond so calmly and most importantly, whether it is worth it.

How do you treat money?

This is not about mercantile purposes such as "how much money they spend on you" or "how much they earn," it is a question of human priorities. Before you start a family, you need to discuss whether you plan to have a common budget in the future and talk about your expenses. After all, each of you may have different points of view on this matter. When a husband buys some furniture and his wife spends her salary solely on her own needs or vice versa, the husband can decide to spend all the money on buying a car – such behavior may seem selfish to one of the partners. And it's not just about a common or separate budget. One of you may plan to save money for a house, and another one can spend it on travel. And in such a situation, there is no guilty person, you just need to discuss your priorities in advance.

Where do you plan to live?

The housing problem is the next one that should be discussed by couples before getting married. Ask your partner for future plans: whether they want an apartment or a country house, whether you plan to buy residential property yourself, etc. This topic is particularly relevant if a couple plans to live with their parents immediately after the wedding. In this case, you need to discuss how long it will last and how quickly you plan to move out.

What is your level of control and trust?

Analyze how you treat each other's personal space. What do you think about reading each other’s private messages? How do you react if your partner meets with a friend of the opposite sex without you? Do you have the right to forbid something to each other? If your relationship is long-lasting, then such conflicts have probably already occurred. Discuss all the red lines before you get married. Moreover, make sure that they match each of you equally. If a wife can afford to go for a walk with an old friend, then it is not fair to be jealous when her husband decides to meet with a friend of the opposite sex.

What are your ambitions?

To see if you can match each other well, discuss your life ambitions, plans, and goals. How much money would you like to earn? What would you like to achieve? What is the meaning of life for you? What are you dreaming about? Answers to these questions will help you learn a lot about your soulmate and understand what kind of person you are going to live with.

Legal Things to Know Before Getting Married

A wedding is not only a pleasant preparation but also paperwork. There are some legal things to know before getting married. First of all, make sure that all the necessary conditions for marriage are met:

• The marriage age for men and women is 18 years. In special cases, the court may grant the right to marry persons over the age of 16. This may be pregnancy, childbirth, or actual marriage.
• Voluntary consent to the marriage of both parties.
• Legal capacity - it is not allowed to marry a legally incompetent person. For example, due to alcohol or drug intoxication.
• Monogamy - you can have only one registered marriage.
• Different genders of future spouses.
• A total absence of kinship.

If all conditions are met, apply for registration of marriage in the registry office.