How to Fix Communication in a Relationship

03.10.2019

No one’s life is ever perfect, and all of us face certain problems every day. Relationships play a large role in our lives. Most people are quite passionate about their relationships, and some find them to be the most important thing in their lives. And thus, we get quite devastated when something awful happens in our romantic relationships. And some of us are then unable to fix a relationship, even if it was very dear to them. Human relationships are very complex and sometimes, we are just unable to realize what went wrong, who is to blame for the downfall of a relationship. A rare person knows what the biggest communication problem is. How should you fix a relationship communication problem?

If you feel like "communication is a problem in my relationship," then this article is for you.

What Does Unhealthy Communication Consist of?

Let’s now talk about some of the main components of unhealthy relationships. If you feel like you are not going through the best of times with your partner, then look into the following signs of a toxic relationship, it will be easier for you to figure out the communication problem and find ways to eliminate it.

Blaming

The first problem in communication that we should talk about is blaming a person you love. Sure, we all make mistakes, and we should all be open to constructive criticism to become better and avoid the same problems later. But some of the criticism we receive is not constructive, it is, in fact, very destructive and can cause a lot of personal issues, as well as damage your relationships. Blaming your partner for anything that happens in your relationship is fundamentally wrong because you should be very close to each other, you should be solving things together. If something bad has happened, it is better to discuss it together without blaming anyone, find out the reason why it all has happened and how you can avoid it in the future. If you don’t feel welcome in your relationship, then don’t think that it’s all over, it is quite easy to find a ladies dating site.

Pushing

The second communication problem in a relationship is pushing a person you love. Your partner should feel comfortable, and they should feel your support at every turn. And if you are constantly pushing them to one thing or another, without giving them a chance to breathe and do the things they like, nothing good will come out of such a relationship.

Silence

The main communication problem in a long-distance relationship is silence. Silence is the death of relationships, and if you are not communicating with your partner – then what’s the point of being together anyway? You should know the limits and the concept of personal space in order not to become too intrusive and clingy, which will also be quite destructive to your relationships.

Toxicity

It is quite hard to define what is “toxicity” in relationships. I mean, ask yourself, what is toxicity? But people tend to use this word quite often when it comes to bad relationships. According to HealthScope, toxic relationships are those alliances that are poisoned by certain behaviors from one or both partners. A person feels constantly pressured, as if they are being oppressed, a person feels like they are losing all of their self-esteem and energy.

If you feel like you are done with your relationship, and you want to move on, you should not try to fix what is unfixable and find a new partner. If you want to date women online, then this will be a great opportunity to talk to multiple people at the same time.

Why Communication Problems Occur

We often try to idealize relationships: ignore sharp corners, hide discontent, be exaggeratedly happy in front of others. But conflicts are not always an occasion to doubt your feelings. Let’s now talk about some communication issues in relationships and the reasons why they occur in the first place.

1. Different communication needs

How to fix a communication problem in a relationship? You are used to calling your partner every couple of hours, always knowing where they are and with whom they are spending time. At such moments, it is easy to decide that they are indifferent to you, but often the reason is the usual discrepancy in your habits. Maybe they do not like to communicate at a distance or do not see the point of talking about their business because you will still meet each other at home and talk about it. Instead of accumulating resentment, discuss each other's needs and expectations. Set average communication standards and try to stick to them. Do not blame them for their carelessness or, conversely, for obsession. Remember that this is a different person, and things that seem strange to you are normal for them.

2. Disagreements over different interests

Disputes over which movie to watch tonight, fights over the TV remote control and other “cultural” differences are a normal part of a relationship. Sometimes, you can get angry at how your partner can watch such a stupid show or listen to bloggers on YouTube for hours, but this does not mean that you do not agree on lots of different interests that you have. Be open and ready to know each other's interests, but do not force them if they are not to your partner’s taste. Look for what unites you, and leave time and space for individual preferences.

3. Problems with the distribution of responsibilities

How to solve a communication problem in a relationship? Physical and emotional efforts in a relationship should be distributed evenly, but this sometimes takes many years. Life constantly gives new conditions and tasks, therefore it is impossible to distribute housework once and for all. If you feel that your partner is not helping you enough, do not be shy to say this, but without insults. Explain that you feel underestimated due to the lack of support from them. Try not to keep track of who did what but give thanks to each other even for minor services that you do for each other.

4. Conflicts over finances

How to fix a communication problem in a relationship? In a relationship, you have to combine not only different income levels but also different financial habits. How much money each of you needs to feel safe; how to spend your salary; save up or live here and now - an opinion on each such issue is formed throughout life as well as tastes in food or other interests. Financial problems are a normal part of the relationship that every couple faces sooner or later. We have already talked in detail about the main causes of conflicts over money and how to find a compromise in such a dispute.

5. Partners doubt their relationships

You should not be ashamed of the thought that perhaps the wrong person is next to you. Doubts do not mean that you have no feelings for them, you are just a thoughtful person and analyze everything that happens to you. As long as such thoughts do not haunt you constantly, they are quite normal.

What Do the Experts Say?

The information above is the general approach to the main issues a relationship can face and the most common ways of dealing with them. But let’s listen to professional opinion and see what new can we learn from it. Here’s what my friend, a clinical Psychologist Debby Moore had to say about communication issues in relationships.

I am sure that the main criterion for a healthy relationship is the quality of communication. Nothing more. Everything else like attention, responsibility, care, etc. are all dependent on this factor.

If you can discuss everything with your partner, everything at all, without condemnation, without restraint, without depreciation and ridicule, without any backlash, without accusations, then you are very lucky or you are lying to your partner for the sake of saving relationships. It may seem fine in the short term, but, eventually, all the lies will accumulate and fall down on you. My practice shows that people who love each other can talk for hours about everything in the world. Doubts, experiences, insecurity, hopes. There are no forbidden topics, including ex relationships and the nuances of physiology.

True intimacy is when you can be open with another person as if you are speaking with yourself. This does not mean that you need to constantly live wide open (we need privacy and personal space from time to time), but there is a different scenario, when you are ready and want to share something, and another person is ready to listen to you. With a desire to understand. With sympathy. With support.

They may have their own opinion and may not even agree with you, but they will not put pressure on you when you are not in the mood. They will wait for a better moment or select the right words to convey your thoughts before you release all of it onto your partner.

Careful attitude is what characterizes healthy intimacy. "I should not be a source of pain for a loved one." Always strive for affection and tenderness. And even if you want to discuss something with your partner, don’t start a disagreement with your partner, have a calm discussion.

If a person pretends to be a teacher, “You see, you are sick, you need to do something with yourself. You are always in hysteria, you always get angry for no reason, go get some help,” send to hell such a teacher. Right away.

A person who loves will not say that because they reckon that you are going through some feelings. There’s empathy in a healthy relationship. Your partner knows when it is best to talk about something serious, and when is the time to shut up. One who loves will not go where your suffering lives. Because they feel you, and they will be hurt exactly the same. It’s like hurting yourself. You are deeply connected on an emotional level, and you don’t want to hurt your partner. For someone who loves, it is important that a loved one can develop, fulfill their dreams, can count on understanding and support in all life situations.

A loved one should be happy. This is the foundation of a healthy relationship, partners should have empathy for each other. If someone torments you, then it doesn’t hurt them when they hurt you. It's obvious, right? If they don’t care about the things that are important for you and do not want to listen to your arguments, then your happiness does not matter to them. Is that clear? If they, seeing your feelings, continue to twist your sanity with even greater emotions, does this not indicate their indifference? What are they thinking about at that moment? Who they really care about?

If you cannot communicate with a loved one as with yourself, then you have no other loved one except yourself.

Ways to Fix Communication Problems

And now for the most important part of the article, the ways in which you can fix your relationship problems without seeking the help of a specialist. If you can’t seem to fix your relationships by yourself, then don’t be afraid to contact a specialist and try to fix it with their help.

Do not take every phrase to heart

We are very emotional creatures, even if we pretend that we are not, and, as it turns out, most of the decisions that we make are based on our emotions alone in any given moment. And thus, when you hear your partner saying something, it doesn't mean that it is directed at you, maybe they don’t really mean it, especially if it is a curse word, not an accusation, but rather something more harmless. If a man called a woman a bitch, this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love her anymore, it means that he is angry at that given moment.

Tolerance

With that being said, in a relationship, you should control your feelings and not let them get the better of you in the presence of a person you love the most. This is why you should be tolerant in a relationship before you accuse your partner of something you don’t like or agree with, you have to establish a rational dialogue with your partner.

We all know that when we get angry, we say what we don’t mean. Often the words that we say when we are angry cannot be returned, and they have already done damage that is difficult to correct. You need to avoid communication when you are angry, especially if you tend to let out your anger through offensive words.

Mind games

One of the ways of fixing your relationships is to use empathy to predict the things your partner is going to say or do. If you are truly close to your partner, and you know them quite well, then you should have some insights into their psyche, thus, being able to think as they think, act the way they act. This is a very useful skill to have, but it is going to take a lot of time and effort to truly come that close to your partner.

Be sensitive

But if it seems you can’t read your partner’s mind and they are unable to do so too, you have to be more sensitive, more emotional when it comes to talking about your relationships. If you have something on your mind – express it. If you want to receive something (a gift, a compliment) - ask, and people will joyfully give it to you. But you need to ask in a positive and calm way, and not throw up tantrums like, “If you loved me, you would know what I need!” Men do not understand the hints that women often throw at them, they just don’t want to bother with all the inner impulses that go into female hints and actions. It is your responsibility to state what you want as a woman. If you are a man, then you should do so too, make your woman know that you don’t hide anything behind and you tell it as it is.

You must also be able to empathize with your partner. As we’ve already said, it is the ability to understand and feel the state of another person in communication, despite the verbal messages. Sometimes words say one thing, but the meaning is completely different. Autists have an extremely low level of empathy, which does not allow them to fully communicate with other people. Low self-esteem also leads to the fact that a person closes in their own thoughts, feelings, and is not able to empathize with their partner. Empathy is vital for a good relationship. If you are able to understand how a partner feels, you know what is best done or said.