How to Calm Down When Angry at Wife?

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While we all like to think about relationships as of a peaceful bond, we know that it is impossible. Even when we meet a partner who is calm and seems to be your perfect match, you can't avoid arguing from time to time. Yes, you don't think about it when you are chatting with someone on some ladies dating site. Needless to say, that girls looking for dates also don't think about arguing with their prospective match. And if you think that you won't argue with your perfect match, you are unrealistic at least.

But the real problem with arguments is not arguments per se, but how to calm down and continue communicating normally afterward. Wives generally know how to calm down angry husbands, just how girlfriends calm down angry boyfriends. But men generally have problems with anger management. We offer you to check out how to calm down when you are angry at a wife.

ways to calm down when you are angry

Anger in a Relationship: All the Truth

We tend to see anger as a negative emotion that needs to be eliminated as soon as possible. That's why women have so many tricks on how to calm down an angry husband. But is anger always a negative thing? Let's figure it out as well as why it occurs in a relationship in general.

Anger Is Not Always Negative

The absence of manifestation of the anger can have a much more negative impact on a relationship, then when you argue from time to time. When you keep emotions only to yourself, you may easily end up growing cold towards each other. When you are angry at each other, it shows not only that you care for each other but try to communicate your problems.

Moreover, the absence of anger's manifestations leads to unnecessary toxicity in your relationship. Instead of letting out things that bug you, you keep them to yourself and become passive-aggressive towards your partner. You become rude and cold just because you keep things that irritate you to yourself.

The anger is negative only when you express your anger without letting your partner having their word in your conflict. You must realize that whenever something bugs you, it is more than possible that something bugs your partner as well. Thus, anger should be manifested, but it should go both ways. Anger can be considered toxic when it is constantly present in your relationship, which indicates that it's unhealthy.

Why Does Anger Arise in a Relationship?

But let's talk about why does anger arise in a relationship in the first place. The anger occurs when partners feel certain levels of injustice in a relationship and fail to communicate it normally. Think of how often you decide to keep silent and agree to something that you don't approve in a relationship, instead of telling your partner that you disagree with their decision. While you may think that you'll think over your partner's decision and in the end agree with them, most likely you won't. And thus, you get angry.

On the one hand, you can avoid anger manifestations by discussing all the problems as soon as they occur, but let's be honest, it's not always possible. But you shouldn't try to repress your anger, as we've already mentioned, it may turn your relationship into a toxic one, which will lead to an inevitable end. But the problem of how to calm down when you are angry and stressed is still on the table. So, let's figure it out.

calm down when you are angry at wifeMain Steps to Calm Down

As we've already mentioned, sometimes you miss the opportunity to say that you disagree with your partner or that something that your partner does irritates you or makes you upset. That makes you angry, and you may have a desire to pour all your anger down on your partner. But, if you get this feeling, the best option is to calm down first and then normally explain what bugs you. To do so, you need to know steps to calm down when you are angry, which we offer you to check out without further ado.

Cool Down Your Head

If you want to talk with your partner about things that you dislike about your relationship, you don't want to look silly and hysterical. If you want to point out the problems that your partner most likely fails to notice and solve the problem instead of simply making someone feel as bad as you do, you don't want to upset your partner. Thus, first, you need to get your thinking straight. While it is much easier to yell at your partner, calm down and then regret that now your partner feels upset, you should first cool down and then start discussing your problems.

Listen to Your Spouse's Responses

When you are discussing what irritates you about your relationship and your partner's actions, mind that arguing should be for solving the problems and not simply for letting your emotions. Thus, you need to listen to what your partner has to say about that. If your partner is asking why you didn't bring up this in the first place, calmly explain that you either thought that you could have coped with that or had no desire to argue. But in the end, you realized that you can't handle it. Such a tactic will make you both victims of the situation, which makes it easier for both of you to find the way out.

Be Agreeable

When listening to your partner, be agreeable. Avoid phrases like, "You never thought that it bothers me? Of course! You think only about yourself!" You need to realize that sometimes you need to bring it up to your partner that certain things don't work for you. Your partner is not a telepath, and you need to talk through everything that bugs you. Also, remember that partly you are still to blame as you failed to mention that something bothers when it occurred for the first time. So, agree with your partner when they say that they need to think your words through and consider their further actions in your relationship.

Don't Push on Your Partner

There is no point to push on your partner when you are discussing your relationship problems to agree with you. Your partner may have their own opinion, and the point of your argument is to find the compromise. Once again, you need to remember that you need to find the solution, rather than proving that someone is right, and someone is wrong. As we've already mentioned, you need to keep your head cold when trying to solve your relationship problems. And your partner is not inclined to agree with you. Moreover, maybe when you hear your partner's point of view, your opinion on the problem will change.

Back off

If you see that your partner is not ready for the communication or says that they need to think about it, you should calmly back off. No dramatic exit, no shouts that your partner doesn't want to listen to you. Simply say that you understand and if your partner is not ready for discussing it, you understand, and you can continue your conversation later. But don't be angry because your conversation failed. You need to wait till your partner is ready to discuss things that disappoint you about the relationship. Arguments may be hard, and it may take time for both of the partners to come to the solution.

Simple Tips to Calm Down Fast in a Conflict

Now after learning how to handle the argument properly, you still need to know how to cool down. Yep, it seems like it's too easy to say to get your thinking straight, but it is hard to achieve without knowing the ways to calm down when you are angry. When you start losing your temper, you know that it often feels like you can't calm down angry. But calming down is way simpler than you might have thought. To do so, you need to learn the ways to calm down, which we offer you to check out without further ado.

Think It Through

You need to think through your next actions. As we've mentioned before, it is always much more easy to start letting out your emotions, instead of talking about your problems through. So, to go through the argument calmly and get the desired results, you need to think through your actions and your words. You are letting out your anger because you are hurt, and the temptation to hurt your partner is high, but you should avoid it, as it will be no use. You need to think everything through to calm down and discuss everything.

Listen to Some Music

Wondering how to calm down nerves? Listen to some soothing music. No matter how silly it may sound at first, music is known for calming down the nerves. You may choose some classical music, as it most likely going to calm you down. But if classical music is not your cup of tea, you can always opt for your favorite song that makes you feel better. While generally you'd be suggested to listen to ballads, but any music that makes you feel better and calms you down will do. This will help you relax and calm down when you are angry at a wife.

cant calm down angryRelax Your Body

Before the argument, you feel angry and anxious as well. Thus, you get the feeling that every muscle in your body is tense. Physical and mental state are well connected, so, relaxing your body is how to calm down your heart. To do this, lie on the floor with your arms out by your side. Don't cross your legs and don't fist your hands. Lie like that for a few minutes until your body is completely relaxed. As soon as your body will relax, your emotions will go down as well. Your anger will start slowly disappearing.

Get Some Fresh Air

While you may think about spending the whole day at home preparing the speech, you actually shouldn't. In doing so you are keeping to concentrated on the issue. You should take a break. It is better to take a walk to get some fresh air. That will help you think about the conversation you are about to have without getting more angry, thinking about it. Go for a walk and take a look at the world around. It will help you change the perception of the problems you are experiencing. Thus, you would be able to discuss everything calmly.

Fuel Your Body

Let's face it when you are hungry – you are angry. Thus, you need to fuel the body before discussing things that irritate you in your relationship. If you are hungry, it will only add to your anger. So, make sure that you're not hungry and properly hydrated before arguing with your partner. So, no matter how busy you are with thinking about what conversation is about to come, you need to make sure that you've eaten something. You may opt for a small snack, but that may not be enough. So, it is highly recommended to take a full meal, as, once again, being hungry will only add to your anger.

Challenge Your Thoughts

When you are being anxious and angry before having a serious conversation about your relationship, you tend to think about the worst-case scenarios. You fear that you won't be able to point out the problems properly. You fear that your partner may be offended by your complaints. You fear that this conversation may lead to a breakup. What if we break up? What if nothing changes afterward? What if...what if...what if... Well, you need to challenge those thoughts with simple questions. Do you think that you will fail to point the problems properly? What makes you think that you will? Do you think that you will end up with a breakup? What makes you think that you will? Challenge your paranoia with logical questions.


When you are angry and anxious, you tend to breathe fast and intermittently. That's why you need to get your breathing to the norm before you're arguing. You can google thousands of breathing techniques that will help you calm down. The intermittent breathing drives away all the positive thinking, and thus puts you into fight or flight mode. You should try a three-part breathing technique to calm down before discussing your problems. First, you need to take a deep inhale before exhaling fully. When you feel comfortable, you can slow down your exhaling, so it lasts as long as inhaling.

Now You Are Ready to Talk

After learning everything above-mentioned, you face no problems with calming down before discussing your relationship problems with your partner. Only when you are calm, you can normally talk over everything that bothers you in a relationship and come to a perfect solution.

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