How to Deal with an Emotionally Unavailable Woman

29.11.2017

What is emotionally unavailable and what it stems from

What is emotionally unavailable, and what can you do about it? Causes for emotional dissatisfaction in relationships can be diverse. This is the difference in the emotional levels of 2 people, your partner's personal disorders, as well as emotional violence. However, the most common reason for this state of affairs is the emotional unavailability of one of the partners.

There is no evil in relation to the other member of the couple. The issue is the low empathy inherent in this person. But it's not about autism, Asperger's syndrome or a schizoid personality. This person is born quite normal, and is even endowed by nature with greater emotionality than the average human, but at a certain stage in her life, she blocks all empathic impulses. One day, under the pressure of another experience, the brain of this person decides - enough of this!

What's happening? There is a separation of the processes in the core of the brain. It receives and processes signals from other people, but they remain at the level of intellectual judgment. They do not enter the limb. Personal experiences also remain inside the person, not reaching the frontal cortex, and are not realized. Most often, all the limbic energy goes down to the centers of regulation of the organism's activity: palpitation, sweating, pressure, etc.

In practice, for the emotionally unavailable person, it will look like this. She can see the experiences of others and talk about how bad it is to suffer like that, but in her heart, there will be no stirring. She herself may have all sorts of effects such as heartbeat and elevation of pressure, but she cannot connect them with feelings and will consider herself sick. This is one of the mechanisms of the formation of psychosomatic symptoms.

In this case, she does not always look like a dull statue. She just does not completely fall into the same rhythm of feelings as others, does not understand in which situations she hurts others' feelings. She may have fun at the funeral and be surprised that everyone else is sad and dull. Life continues! Moreover, such people attract others because their behavior attracts the eye. Sometimes they seem like such nihilists or on the contrary - strong personalities, who by force of will overcome burdens of their lives. Often, people who see that there is some kind of tampering with her emotions say that they want to understand what is the matter and to look closer. Women often fall for such men because of fantasies that he needs help and she will certainly save him with her love.

Men and women can be both equally emotionally unavailable, but emotionally unavailable women complain more often and suffer more from lack of emotional return. How can you identify an emotionally unavailable woman? Basically, because she tries in every possible way to avoid any form of communication, where the degree of emotions involved can increase. This applies mainly to interpersonal communication.

Signs she is emotionally unavailable

• An emotionally unavailable woman prefers not talk about feelings, and even if she is called to a direct conversation, she will clearly dislike it, will be irritated by it and will try to avoid such conversations with you in the future.
• An emotionally unavailable person does not like to talk about herself, about her past, plans for the future, about what she has achieved and what she can do.
• Avoids discussing or understanding her relationships. Events such as these give her obvious discomfort, and she avoids them.
• Often, when she is asked for her opinion on something, she answers vaguely. She is a bad communicator, which is why people often take offense at her. She involuntarily insults their feelings.
• Often escapes from a relationship as soon as she feels that the emotional background becomes too pronounced. At the first signs of falling in love, she prefers to start another relationship somewhere. It sometimes happens that she has 2 or 3 parallel relationships, so that she does not commit to anyone in particular.

As for people who enter a relationship with emotionally unavailable people, they often feel that they are neglected, they are not loved. They do not feel supported. There is no symphony, balance in the relationship. While one side invests, the other may be completely oblivious. You need to know that such people are present in life. In case seeing one, it is not worth blaming yourself for whatever happens between you. Do not attempt to solve their own issues for them. First, you cannot do this unilaterally, she must decide this for herself. Secondly, this state has its own certain balance and harmony. Yes, you can make it better, fuller, and more alive, but she feels quite normal in this state because she has anesthetized herself. To change this attitude, she will have to raise a whole lot of layers of negative experiences. She should decide on it herself. You cannot forcibly make anyone happy.

How to deal with an emotionally unavailable woman

Now that you know what is emotionally unavailable, learn how to deal with an emotionally unavailable woman. In the case when a woman takes a negative view of herself, she seeks a relationship in which her partner will treat her in the same way. Typically, these people use three strategies of communication: safe, manipulative and avoiding. It is the emotionally unavailable women that make up most of the single people, while the majority see them as very attractive.

Experts argue that humans by nature need to be attached. As a child, this manifests itself in the relation to the parent, who at any moment will come to the rescue. In the more adult age, the same thing happens, only we are not waiting for help, nor out mother, but a companion who will protect us against all the dangers of the world. Thus, we are looking for relationships that support us or, rather, support what we think about ourselves.

In general, it must be said, there is a safe attachment, or, as it is called, a healthy strategy. It is used by only about 50% of the population. Representatives easily find a common language literally with everyone, do not feel uncomfortable when something depends on their decision, they are not afraid to lose their freedom. By the way, they perceive themselves and others very positively. In the event that something in their relations does not suit them, they are ready to sit down at the negotiating table and discuss everything in a peaceful manner.

Anxiety can be called attachment (manipulative strategy) when people are striving for maximum closeness. Such representatives often worry that the partner does not like them enough and are afraid to remain alone and single. As a rule, representatives of this strategy cannot appreciate themselves, praising others regularly, and often do not feel their own worth.

Another strategy - the "leave me alone!" (Avoiding type) - is close to those who feel discomfort in a relationship, and prefer not to depend on anyone. As a rule, people who have a negative experience with intimacy, which brought suffering, come to use this behavior. Representatives of this strategy are simply striving for self-sufficiency and independence, perceiving all but themselves in a negative light. They also tend to be strengthened in society at the expense of others.

People with the first type of attachment, as a rule, tend to look for a person like themselves. The second two categories of relations, one might say, are doomed, because they will reject the partner until they begin to treat them more positively while they themselves treat themselves negatively. It happens that people of the first type meet with representatives of the second and third. However, as experts say, this attraction is not strong, there is not much interest in each other, there is nothing that could hold them together. Do not bother looking into the question of how to stop being emotionally unavailable in order to help a potential female partner. Only she can help herself.

In order to establish a strong relationship, you must first understand your type

What emotionally unavailable signs are, you already know. Now, you should gain understanding of how to build a relationship with someone who is emotionally detached. As a rule, emotionally unavailable women are very independent, they can easily cool down to a partner and unilaterally complete the relationship. People with a secure attachment type live by chemistry, once they have experienced that desire, in a moment they convince themselves that they have met their soulmate and are keen on a relationship with them. That's why it's not easy to meet a representative of this strategy, they simply do not stay in the search for too long. Did not work out? No problem! And then they plunge into a new relationship.

Being emotionally unavailable in a relationship is hard work for both sides. Often, a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner only reinforces deep self-doubt. Such a partner seems to demonstrate that you could win their sympathy, but not quite. An obvious contradiction arises. Many become obsessed with such dependence. Friends, hobbies - everything fades into the background. A person simply sits and waits until the emotionally unavailable partner returns.

Emotionally available partners are unlikely to play emotionally unavailable or, on the contrary, throw everything at their feet on a second date. In their life, there is no place for mysterious omissions and tiresome expectations. If there is a desire to meet - they call and invite. If they do not want to - they do not do it. True, such relationships often end in nothing, because they become a little boring, and the feeling that the partner does not need anything becomes upsetting. If you have thoughts surrounding - is she emotionally unavailable, then do some more reading into this topic, as it is best not to confront your woman over the subject without having an understanding of it beforehand.

In conclusion, it should be noted that the ups and downs, raptures and doubts in dealing with emotionally unavailable women should not be taken for either passion or love, despite the fact that it looks very similar. Do not waste time on destructive relationships, it is better to try to change the mechanisms of attraction which are laid down by our childhood. Of course, this is not easy, but it is possible, because emotionally healthy relationships can bring much more happiness. Emotional unavailability is a complex topic, hopefully, now you have a better understanding of it.